Saturday, March 17, 2012

One Year Later.... Happy Birthday Baby Logan...

I can't believe that it has been a year. One year ago today we welcomed Baby Logan into our arms. That is still the best 7 days of our lives and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about Logan.

I didn't know what to expect from today. I felt lonely some moments, like their is a void that can't be filled and other moments I felt like it was a normal day. I am happy that I got to go to Logan's resting place and bring her some beautiful flowers and a pink puppy that I know she would have loved. I ate a burrito at her grave (I just totally craved burritos while pregnant with her) and I think she appreciated that. My experience has not been the same as most moms celebrating their babies 1st birthday but I think it was just as sweet.

What I have learned in the last year is how lucky I am to have her as my daughter. Being 'the mommy' of Logan is the best achievement that I will ever have. I miss her and the way she felt in my arms, I miss kissing those cheeks and the peaceful feeling she brought to our home.

Despite all that I miss about her, I am grateful for all that I have gained in the last year too. I have grown closer to God and know myself better. For some reason, it is so much more important for me now to be a good person and to make Logan proud of the person I am. Bryan and I are a better couple and feel like we have had the most unique experience in the world. I know what a good life we live and are taking more time to enjoy it and recognize the good around us. I am grateful that I will have a new baby girl to hold in a few weeks and can't wait to get to know her personality (and to see if she got the 'good hair genes' like her sis).

We can never appropriately thank everyone for the generosity and kindness we have been shown over the last year and I hope that we can pay it forward someday.

To my little Logan.... I love you more today than I ever thought possible. I am forever curious what you are doing in Heaven, but I have no doubt that whatever it is, is MAGNIFICENT! xoxoxoxo- Mommy