One Year Later.... Happy Birthday Baby Logan...

I can't believe that it has been a year. One year ago today we welcomed Baby Logan into our arms. That is still the best 7 days of our lives and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about Logan.

I didn't know what to expect from today. I felt lonely some moments, like their is a void that can't be filled and other moments I felt like it was a normal day. I am happy that I got to go to Logan's resting place and bring her some beautiful flowers and a pink puppy that I know she would have loved. I ate a burrito at her grave (I just totally craved burritos while pregnant with her) and I think she appreciated that. My experience has not been the same as most moms celebrating their babies 1st birthday but I think it was just as sweet.

What I have learned in the last year is how lucky I am to have her as my daughter. Being 'the mommy' of Logan is the best achievement that I will ever have. I miss her and the way she felt in my arms, I miss kissing those cheeks and the peaceful feeling she brought to our home.

Despite all that I miss about her, I am grateful for all that I have gained in the last year too. I have grown closer to God and know myself better. For some reason, it is so much more important for me now to be a good person and to make Logan proud of the person I am. Bryan and I are a better couple and feel like we have had the most unique experience in the world. I know what a good life we live and are taking more time to enjoy it and recognize the good around us. I am grateful that I will have a new baby girl to hold in a few weeks and can't wait to get to know her personality (and to see if she got the 'good hair genes' like her sis).

We can never appropriately thank everyone for the generosity and kindness we have been shown over the last year and I hope that we can pay it forward someday.

To my little Logan.... I love you more today than I ever thought possible. I am forever curious what you are doing in Heaven, but I have no doubt that whatever it is, is MAGNIFICENT! xoxoxoxo- Mommy

Our Little Angel Got Her Wings Today

Our precious baby Logan returned to her Heavenly Father early this evening. She went peacefully in our arms. It was bitter sweet. We are heartbroken, but we knew that she was ready to go. While we miss her, we feel fortunate to have had an entire week with her to make memories that we will never forget. We gave the big camera a rest today, but we snuck this photo with a cell phone this morning while she snoozed.

This was the happiest week of our lives. We are so happy that so many of our friends and family were able to meet our special baby. We are told all the time that her little spirit has influenced peoples' lives in big ways. We are honored to be her parents and hope that we always make her proud. If Logan's short life has impacted you,in big or small way, it would mean a lot to us if you would share how in the comments below or in an email to bryandcare@gmail.com. This will be a strength to us for the tough times to come.

Thank you to all of you who have shared in this journey and allowed it to be as great as it has been. We have met many selfless and giving people through this and have cried many grateful tears. Thank you.

We will be taking some time for ourselves to grieve and heal, so there will likely not be another blog post soon. But we wanted to share a tribute to our Logan Rylee. Neither of us are big Tom Petty fans, but this song is perfect.

Cherishing Day Number 6

Today was especially sweet as we started noticing some changes in our little angel. We know that she is preparing to return to her Heavenly Father. She is so sweet and has such a good demeanor. Our home has been so peaceful since she has been in it. Precious sums up this baby.

The weather was nice enough today to take Logan on her first stroller ride. It was nice to get out of the house, and was an experience we wanted to share with her. We snapped a bunch more photos and watched her sleep for hours. We are falling deeper and deeper in love with this little girl and it breaks our hearts to know that soon we'll be alone again. Logan has pulled us closer together. She has impacted many lives in various ways. Here are some of our cherished moments with our angel today.

We can't post another entry without recognizing Logan's four-legged sister Lexis Marie. The two of them are slowly bonding. Today Lexis gave Logan kisses and it melted our hearts.

Absolutely Special Day Number 5

Bryan and I have mixed emotions today. We know that as each moment goes by our time with Logan is becoming shorter. We are so relieved that she has had good visits with Hospice and that she seems to be comfortable. As we brace for "that inevitable day" we have a lot of fear about her comfort. We want what all parents want, a baby who is safe and without pain. So far this wish has been granted to us. We work extra hard to stay in the moment with her and not let all of our fears and emotion take over.

Okay, on to the good stuff- today Logan had a very busy schedule. She had a mixture of medical visits and then visits with special friends.

Medical Visits...Logan loves her Hospice Angel Maureen who takes very good care of her. Logan also had an appointment at the University Hospital with an Audiologist to check her hearing. She was so good the whole time she was tested. After the appointment we walked around labor and delivery and found some of the people that helped with her delivery. They were so excited to meet her and of course they were just crazy over her hair.

Visits with special friends... Logan met lots of friends from the town she was named after today. So special to have friends drive so far to show their love for her. Logan also got to meet one special friend whose name is also LOGAN. This Logan is extra special because he has a special heart just like her. They live in our neighborhood and his mom was such a light to me in some dark moments as I feared I would never meet my sweet baby. Their Logan is adorable scooting around. He is one couragous little guy as he has been through a lot with his little heart. We love him and his family and pray for them as they go through their journey. I am so happy that Logan got to meet him. I believe that our Logan will watch over him when she returns to Heaven.

Finally, Logan got to relax tonight with a nice oil bath. She is just so stinking cute. I am one proud mama. Being a mother is amazing and I wouldn't trade my precious days for anything. This experience has strengthened the love that Bryan and I have and I also wouldn't trade that for anything.

Here are some cute pictures from our Special Day.

Spectacular Day 4

We had another great day with baby Logan. We know that time is not on our side so are cherishing each moment with her. Today we met with a few people from Hospice (which we do daily). We are grateful for such wonderful people to help us care for our sweet baby. We also took Logan to get her pictures taken at Julie from Now I Lay Me Down To Sleeps Studio. Luckily Julie lives only minutes away and offered to take some more pictures of our little love. Julie came to the hospital when Logan was born and also took some pictures. We are ecstatic about these pictures. Somehow she has been able to capture Logan exactly as we know her. I am so excited to have these wonderful photographs to help me remember my sweet baby by. I loved watching Bryan and Logan together as well as they were getting their pictures taken. Bryan makes one handsome daddy and Logan is just, well..... perfect.

People have been praying for a miracle for us- we feel as though we have already received it. We have had 4 amazing days with our baby. Bryan and I never thought that we would make it this far. We are so thankful for all of the love that we have been shown. I posted a picture of Logan to my facebook and 40 people commented on it. This is one loved baby.

We know that shortly baby Logan will return to her Heavenly Father. We struggle to comprehend the loss we are about to face but are comforted in our beliefs that we will see her again. Today we are feeling very grateful for this spectacular day.

Here are a few pictures from the photo shoot today and one of Logan on her first field trip. We took her to Target. Not the most glamorous place for a baby this cute but so fun to feel like normal parents that get to put their carseat in a cart and push her around. Very grateful for today.

Miracle Day Three

We've been given yet another day. Many of our friends were able to see her today, including the W family, whose baby boy T had a special heart just like Logan's. Carrie and I have loved showing her off. She's got the brightest sweet little eyes and the coolest hair. I took nearly three hundred pictures of her today. We are bracing for the inevitable and trying to make the most out of our short time. We love her so much. Take a look at a few of the pics I took today.

Another Special Day

We've had an incredible forty-eight hours with our little angel and she's still doing and looking great. We had lots of alone time with her yesterday and this morning. It has been amazing. Carrie was doing well enough to be discharged today, so we had our parents come pack us up and follow us home. What a cool experience. We know we are on borrowed time, and are loving every moment. We got more photos emailed to us today and I will post a few. She is so sweet.

Meet Logan Rylee Bostrom

Logan Rylee Bostrom was born on Saint Patrick's Day, March 17th, at 8:55pm. She was born with a mop of beautiful brown hair, ten toes, ten fingers, and two wide little blue eyes. I cut the cord and they placed her on Carrie's chest. She was alert, but a little blue so after a few minutes the pediatric doctor put her on the warmer and listened to her little heart with a little pink stethoscope. I saw her exchange looks with Dr. Clarke that said, "there's not much time." Doctor Clarke handed Logan back to us and told us that we probably didn't have long. We hastily called our family members from the waiting room into the small delivery room and gave Logan a name and blessing. I struggled through the blessing, but by the end of it, Logan's blueish skin had turned pink. She was wide awake and calm. The room emptied out and Carrie and I spent a few minutes with Logan on the delivery bed. The doctors told us that she was doing much better, and so we let each of our family members hold her and then had pictures taken. It's now after one o'clock in the afternoon on Friday and our little angel is still with us. She's sleeping on Carrie's chest. She's breastfeeding, sleeping, fussing, and all the things a baby does. You'd never know there was anything wrong with her. As you can see, she is a beautiful baby. The doctors think that she'll live to go home with us tomorrow, and that we may even have a few weeks with her! We are so happy that she was born alive and that she is so content and comfortable. All of this time we've had is such a blessing. We'll take whatever time the Lord will give us. Thank you all so much for all of your thoughts, prayers, and fasting. We are cherishing our miracle.

Thanks, Julie, for the increcible photo. We can hardly wait to see the rest!

The Waiting Game

We checked into the hospital last night at around nine o'clock and the induction began. Last night, the doctors started Carrie on a series of doses of a medication that will prepare her for a stronger medication. She's [hopefully] on her last dose of the first medication and will be started on the stronger induction medication early this afternoon. This stronger medication is the potion that's supposed to make the magic happen. While we're a few hours behind where we thought we'd be, we are still hopeful that Logan will be born today, but this is our first pregnancy so we don't know what to expect. We'll take her whenever she's ready! Whether she's born on Saint Patrick's Day or not, she's our lucky charm. Our spirits are high. We are enjoying our time together.

Our little angel - keep us in your thoughts

Hi friends.

Most of you know that we are having a baby girl soon, but do not know the details. Carrie will be induced on Wednesday the 16th of March. It's only days away! We have been lucky enough (thanks, Mom) to see her many times in 3D ultrasounds. She is beautiful. Carrie says she's got my lips and we can only hope that she's also got my thighs :-)

We found out four months ago at our 20-week ultrasound that our special baby girl, Logan, has a lethal heart defect. It has gotten worse with time. Logan's time with us will be very short. Doctors expect that she will be born alive, but do not know whether her little heart will keep her alive for minutes, days, or weeks. We have two wishes for Logan and Carrie and me:

1. Logan will be comfortable and feel no pain
2. We hope to be able to hold her alive

The past four months have been very difficult. We have found peace in our testimonies of the gospel of Jesus Christ as we know it. We know that we knew our sweet little girl before this life, and that she is a very special and courageous spirit. She has proven herself to her Heavenly Father already, and does not need the trials and pain that come with earth life. All she needed to complete her Father's plan for her is a physical body, which Carrie and I are honored to participate in providing for her. We are so very proud to welcome this heroic spirit into our family. We know that through the sacrifice of her older brother and our Savior, we can live with Logan for eternity if we do our part. She will be our guiding star.

We have largely kept this situation to ourselves. It has been a difficult thing to talk about. I know you'll understand why we've been so private about it. We are blessed to have incredible family and friends. You all want to know what you can do to help. Please just keep us in your thoughts and prayers. If you would like, please join me in a 24-hour fast on Saturday and Sunday for the two desires I've bulleted above. I have seen the Lord grant incredible miracles through fasting and prayer, and we really need his help right now.

I know that everyone wants to help and offer support and comfort. Please leave you comments here. I hope that you won't be offended if we are not able to answer phone calls or emails. It is a difficult thing for us to talk about right now and we need our space. I know many of you have been through difficult things before, and you'll understand. Thanks for your love and support. I will update this blog with new information as it becomes available.

We can hardly wait to meet our little Angel in a few days!

Bryan & Carrie Bostrom

CHD Awareness Week

In honor of Congenital Heart Defect Awareness Week we decided that the time has come to update our blog. We wanted to give everyone information on our little baby that will be here before we know it. For those who don’t know, at our 20 week ultrasound we found out that our baby girl has a Congenital Heart Defect. After a lot of testing she has been diagnosed with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, an unbalanced Atrioventricular Septal Defect and a leaky mitral valve. Given the complexity of her diagnosis and little heart she has not been given a good prognosis.

We have decided to name her Logan. This name is just perfect for her. First, a “logan” is something that is not solid; or has a space or gap or cavity. Given that heart little heart is not complete and has a hole in it I felt like this was a beautiful way to pay tribute to her and her sweet little heart. Next, Bryan and I met in the town “Logan” and have many wonderful memories there. We lived in our first home there, we found out we were pregnant there; the list goes on and on. We just love the name Logan for her.

Over the past few months we are coming to terms with the idea that Logan's time with us will be short. We are cherishing each "belly" moment with her now and can't wait to meet her and are hopeful that we will get a little bit of time with her before she returns to Heaven. I feel bad that at the first half of my pregnancy I felt burdened, I hated the sleeplessness, the sickness, the nosebleeds, etc. Now, I love being pregnant. I love how active Logan is. She is moving all the time. This is probably partially due to the Dr. Pepper and yummy snacks she gets every day. I could just watch my belly for hours. I wake up in the middle of the night and shine a light on my belly and just watch her move around. There is no doubt that Bryan and I want her very much and are cherishing her as our baby already. Being pregnant with her is amazing and I feel heartache for those I know that have not been able to experience it. I can’t imagine the despair that they have had. So, although being a “mother” is something that I may have to wait for I am so happy that God has given me the gift of carrying this little baby.

We are thankful for all of the support that our families and friends have given us. This is the most humbling experience in the world and without all the prayers and support it would be unbearable. Bryan and I have been pretty private about our circumstances, I think we just don’t know what to say to people and know that people probably don’t know what to say to us. I have moments where I am so sad that I don’t know if I can get through this. I read something the other day that said “The Lord will shape the back to bear the burden placed upon it.” I keep thinking about this over and over and have to believe that this is true. My whole life I have had this concept of “faith” but never until now have fully understood what faith is. I imagine that my concept of faith will be a very present part of my life and will be ever changing. Today, I am trying to have faith that I can get through this.