Saturday, March 17, 2012

One Year Later.... Happy Birthday Baby Logan...

I can't believe that it has been a year. One year ago today we welcomed Baby Logan into our arms. That is still the best 7 days of our lives and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about Logan.

I didn't know what to expect from today. I felt lonely some moments, like their is a void that can't be filled and other moments I felt like it was a normal day. I am happy that I got to go to Logan's resting place and bring her some beautiful flowers and a pink puppy that I know she would have loved. I ate a burrito at her grave (I just totally craved burritos while pregnant with her) and I think she appreciated that. My experience has not been the same as most moms celebrating their babies 1st birthday but I think it was just as sweet.

What I have learned in the last year is how lucky I am to have her as my daughter. Being 'the mommy' of Logan is the best achievement that I will ever have. I miss her and the way she felt in my arms, I miss kissing those cheeks and the peaceful feeling she brought to our home.

Despite all that I miss about her, I am grateful for all that I have gained in the last year too. I have grown closer to God and know myself better. For some reason, it is so much more important for me now to be a good person and to make Logan proud of the person I am. Bryan and I are a better couple and feel like we have had the most unique experience in the world. I know what a good life we live and are taking more time to enjoy it and recognize the good around us. I am grateful that I will have a new baby girl to hold in a few weeks and can't wait to get to know her personality (and to see if she got the 'good hair genes' like her sis).

We can never appropriately thank everyone for the generosity and kindness we have been shown over the last year and I hope that we can pay it forward someday.

To my little Logan.... I love you more today than I ever thought possible. I am forever curious what you are doing in Heaven, but I have no doubt that whatever it is, is MAGNIFICENT! xoxoxoxo- Mommy

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Our Little Angel Got Her Wings Today

Our precious baby Logan returned to her Heavenly Father early this evening. She went peacefully in our arms. It was bitter sweet. We are heartbroken, but we knew that she was ready to go. While we miss her, we feel fortunate to have had an entire week with her to make memories that we will never forget. We gave the big camera a rest today, but we snuck this photo with a cell phone this morning while she snoozed.

This was the happiest week of our lives. We are so happy that so many of our friends and family were able to meet our special baby. We are told all the time that her little spirit has influenced peoples' lives in big ways. We are honored to be her parents and hope that we always make her proud. If Logan's short life has impacted you,in big or small way, it would mean a lot to us if you would share how in the comments below or in an email to This will be a strength to us for the tough times to come.

Thank you to all of you who have shared in this journey and allowed it to be as great as it has been. We have met many selfless and giving people through this and have cried many grateful tears. Thank you.

We will be taking some time for ourselves to grieve and heal, so there will likely not be another blog post soon. But we wanted to share a tribute to our Logan Rylee. Neither of us are big Tom Petty fans, but this song is perfect.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Cherishing Day Number 6

Today was especially sweet as we started noticing some changes in our little angel. We know that she is preparing to return to her Heavenly Father. She is so sweet and has such a good demeanor. Our home has been so peaceful since she has been in it. Precious sums up this baby.

The weather was nice enough today to take Logan on her first stroller ride. It was nice to get out of the house, and was an experience we wanted to share with her. We snapped a bunch more photos and watched her sleep for hours. We are falling deeper and deeper in love with this little girl and it breaks our hearts to know that soon we'll be alone again. Logan has pulled us closer together. She has impacted many lives in various ways. Here are some of our cherished moments with our angel today.

We can't post another entry without recognizing Logan's four-legged sister Lexis Marie. The two of them are slowly bonding. Today Lexis gave Logan kisses and it melted our hearts.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Absolutely Special Day Number 5

Bryan and I have mixed emotions today. We know that as each moment goes by our time with Logan is becoming shorter. We are so relieved that she has had good visits with Hospice and that she seems to be comfortable. As we brace for "that inevitable day" we have a lot of fear about her comfort. We want what all parents want, a baby who is safe and without pain. So far this wish has been granted to us. We work extra hard to stay in the moment with her and not let all of our fears and emotion take over.

Okay, on to the good stuff- today Logan had a very busy schedule. She had a mixture of medical visits and then visits with special friends.

Medical Visits...Logan loves her Hospice Angel Maureen who takes very good care of her. Logan also had an appointment at the University Hospital with an Audiologist to check her hearing. She was so good the whole time she was tested. After the appointment we walked around labor and delivery and found some of the people that helped with her delivery. They were so excited to meet her and of course they were just crazy over her hair.

Visits with special friends... Logan met lots of friends from the town she was named after today. So special to have friends drive so far to show their love for her. Logan also got to meet one special friend whose name is also LOGAN. This Logan is extra special because he has a special heart just like her. They live in our neighborhood and his mom was such a light to me in some dark moments as I feared I would never meet my sweet baby. Their Logan is adorable scooting around. He is one couragous little guy as he has been through a lot with his little heart. We love him and his family and pray for them as they go through their journey. I am so happy that Logan got to meet him. I believe that our Logan will watch over him when she returns to Heaven.

Finally, Logan got to relax tonight with a nice oil bath. She is just so stinking cute. I am one proud mama. Being a mother is amazing and I wouldn't trade my precious days for anything. This experience has strengthened the love that Bryan and I have and I also wouldn't trade that for anything.

Here are some cute pictures from our Special Day.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Spectacular Day 4

We had another great day with baby Logan. We know that time is not on our side so are cherishing each moment with her. Today we met with a few people from Hospice (which we do daily). We are grateful for such wonderful people to help us care for our sweet baby. We also took Logan to get her pictures taken at Julie from Now I Lay Me Down To Sleeps Studio. Luckily Julie lives only minutes away and offered to take some more pictures of our little love. Julie came to the hospital when Logan was born and also took some pictures. We are ecstatic about these pictures. Somehow she has been able to capture Logan exactly as we know her. I am so excited to have these wonderful photographs to help me remember my sweet baby by. I loved watching Bryan and Logan together as well as they were getting their pictures taken. Bryan makes one handsome daddy and Logan is just, well..... perfect.

People have been praying for a miracle for us- we feel as though we have already received it. We have had 4 amazing days with our baby. Bryan and I never thought that we would make it this far. We are so thankful for all of the love that we have been shown. I posted a picture of Logan to my facebook and 40 people commented on it. This is one loved baby.

We know that shortly baby Logan will return to her Heavenly Father. We struggle to comprehend the loss we are about to face but are comforted in our beliefs that we will see her again. Today we are feeling very grateful for this spectacular day.

Here are a few pictures from the photo shoot today and one of Logan on her first field trip. We took her to Target. Not the most glamorous place for a baby this cute but so fun to feel like normal parents that get to put their carseat in a cart and push her around. Very grateful for today.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Miracle Day Three

We've been given yet another day. Many of our friends were able to see her today, including the W family, whose baby boy T had a special heart just like Logan's. Carrie and I have loved showing her off. She's got the brightest sweet little eyes and the coolest hair. I took nearly three hundred pictures of her today. We are bracing for the inevitable and trying to make the most out of our short time. We love her so much. Take a look at a few of the pics I took today.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Another Special Day

We've had an incredible forty-eight hours with our little angel and she's still doing and looking great. We had lots of alone time with her yesterday and this morning. It has been amazing. Carrie was doing well enough to be discharged today, so we had our parents come pack us up and follow us home. What a cool experience. We know we are on borrowed time, and are loving every moment. We got more photos emailed to us today and I will post a few. She is so sweet.